Therapy is an amazing vehicle for change. But it doesn’t always work. Let’s explore why therapy might not be working for you and what you can do about it.

1. You don’t trust your therapist

If there is an issue with trust in your therapist, it gets difficult to achieve any real change in therapy. Trust issues might stem from something about your therapist, something about your experiences or something between the two of you that doesn’t gel. Whatever the cause, it will limit what you can talk about and the depth you can explore problems.

What to do about it?

If possible, talk to your therapist about it. If there is something your therapist has done that didn’t sit right with you, it’s possible that a discussion can set your mind at ease. Or, if lack of trust is related to patterns in your life, it may provide a valuable opportunity to gain insight. There are also times when the therapist is just not right for you. And, sadly, there are therapists that are not right for anyone. If something is really off and discussing it doesn’t help, ask for a referral to another therapist.

2. The type of therapy isn’t a good fit

Therapists have different backgrounds and theoretical leanings towards one way of helping or another. Some are more directive and others sit back and listen. While each person has personal preferences for the way a therapist is in session, some modes of therapy are suited to specific problems. And it’s possible that some problems, certain forms of therapy don’t help at all. Or even make problems worse.

What to do about it?

Even if you’ve been seeing a therapist for a while, it’s always ok to ask what their experience is in treating the problems you want to address. Ask them what worked for other clients, what the therapy looked like in session and how the therapy helps to create change. If you are looking for a new therapist, be wary of therapists with long lists of problems as ‘specialities’. Most quality therapists have a short list of maybe 3-4 problems they focus on and become an expert in treating.

3. There is no continuity between sessions

While it is certainly ok to ramble on to your therapist and bring up whatever is on your mind, there should be some issues that stay in focus. It is uncomfortable to get in deep with a problem, and most of us get through life with distraction and avoidance. Therapy helps by giving an opportunity to safely stay with the discomfort so that we can gain insight and heal. Getting off track might be your therapist not holding you to task or it may be your getting stuck by not talking about key issues or thinking about them between sessions.

What to do about it?

Telling your therapist if you think this an issue and asking what they can do to support you is an option. Taking time to reflect on the session during the week can also help. Making a few notes after a session or journalling in the week helps to keep your focus going and increases the opportunity for insight and change.

4. There’s no ‘real world’ practice

I often think that in therapy we spend a lot of time outlining the ‘what’. ‘What’ is happening, what is bothering me, what do I feel, what do I do. Eventually, for change to happen, we have to make a shift into ‘how’. How do I feel different, how do I manage overwhelm, how do I be in triggering situations. For this to happen, the therapist has to start working with you on what happens in the ‘real world’ outside of the therapy room. Your therapist needs to work with you find small ways to practice in the ‘real world’. If this isn’t happening, therapy is likely to be just a place to talk and will not create much change.

What to do about it?

If your therapist is not taking the lead on what you can do in between sessions, ask why or why not. There are also times when therapists suggest things and clients don’t feel ready yet. It might be time to revisit those suggestions. Or what the therapist suggests feels impossible or too much. It is useful to say that, so better options can be explored. And lastly, no one likes homework. So if you have avoided it, totally understandable. But if you are feeling a lack of progress in therapy, it might be time to reconsider that ‘real world’ practice.

Therapy for Mental Health, Trauma and Relationship Issues in Katy, TX

If dealing with a mental health diagnosis, relationships or trauma is having a negative impact on you, reach out for help. Psychotherapy and counseling be a great way to work on important relationship issues, like communication, anger management and boundaries. If you are struggling with relationships in your life or your past, extra support could be essential in your healing.

I offer counseling for body image, eating disorders, trauma and relationship issues (communication, anger, boundaries) in-person or virtually. I’m available for brief phone consultations to discuss your needs. Click here to contact me now.